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The Grimace

The Grimace can be catagorized into four main catagories:

  1. Native Grimace
  2. Native Grimaces still live on Grimace Island. They don't have an appetite for crime as they have had no encounter with the Ron McDon cartel. Still, this doesn't prevent them from being dumb as fuck.

  3. Wild Grimace
  4. Wild Grimaces have travaled to human lands in search of... ...well no one really knows. Perhaps it's in search of better lands, or milkshakes, or maybe they just don't understand the concept of direction and arrived here by random chance. As they have not yet been urbanized, they are incredibly inept and often are killed by their own stupidity. It is not uncommon to find one doped out on a laundry detergent or smoldering in a dryer. The average Grimace only has a 5% to survive past its first year in human territory. That 5% surivives by entering the Ron McDon cartel.

  5. Urbanized Grimace
  6. Urbanized Grimaces have been lured into a life of crime by Ron McDon, and my free milk shakes; seriously, that shit's like crack to them. As a result of cultural exposer, they possess more intellegence, or less stupidity, than their non-urbanized relatives. Ron McDon vicariously coordinates their every drug deal, mugging, and car theft.

  7. Big Purple
  8. 'The' Grimace (a.k.a Big Purple) is Ron McDon's right hand man, or purple fuck. He is believed to be responsible for more deaths than Hitler and Stalin combined.

This Grimace was found in a garbage can behind a Burger King. This is between Ron and the King now. You don't want any part of this.

This Grimace crawled into a freezer in search of shelter and Hot Pockets. Grimaces can't sense temperature so it froze to death.

This Grimace got into a bag of laundry detergent and started trip'n hardcore. In these situations it's best to not provoke it. It will die from detergent poisoning soon and you can get the shovel.

These Grimace are part of the Ron McDon cartel. Ron has them dealing hard drugs in sewers these days so he can put crack back into the Happy Meals.

This Grimace though the dryer door was a portal to another realm filled with candy and happy thoughts. Instead it found searing metal and the smell of molten flesh. You can usually clean up the liquid mess with nitric acid. The remains can be dumbed anywhere. I usually stuff them in garbage cans behind a local Arby's.